I See Kings

Okay, I have a confession. I see kings. Yes kings, not Martin Luther King or Rodney King or even Don King but actual kings. Well, no, maybe not actual kings such as Henry VIII but kings nevertheless. I have this uncanny sixth sense, as in the movie where the little boy proclaims in a dazed trance, "I see dead people." Well, I see kings. I've had this gift for quite some time now although I've never been adequately able to explain it.  I will give it my best attempt here.  On the inside of certain men resides a particular"something" that sets them apart yet blends them in among other men. I can honestly say that I have been truly blessed to have come in contact with a few unknowing kings. Now these aren't romantic dalliances merely a myriad of men that I've known over the years, friends, acquaintances, co workers, etc.  They moved about life without fanfare nor did they draw attention to themselves but once I was in close proximity, there it was.  There regal nature shone about them like a halo of sorts.  Within the first few encounters I could clearly see the king in them.  All of them are different but I can spot them a mile away.  They stand alone in a crowd. When they speak they actually have something to say. They work in a variety of professional fields and hold court wherever they are.  These men capture my attention and my fascination with them keeps me in awe.  I never understood what the interest was or why until I paused a little deeper to recognize that I wasn't noticing mere men but kings.  Strong, resilient, funny, talented, intelligent kings.  They all preside over distinct kingdoms of their own but nevertheless these gentle warriors were and are kings.  Some have families and some are solo parenting. Some work for themselves and others daily make their presence known on a job. Just like Lisa from Eddie Murphy's classic "Coming To America" I have the gift also, I see kings.  Where others see the common and crude for some reason I see men who possess the capacity to transcend the everyday.  I see men who rise above all that is trivial and petty.  I don't see perfection I simply see kings dressed in everyday gear and everyday challenges.  These men discuss, strategize and vent however they do not whine, ever.  Everytime I come into contact with such men I relish the moments I share with them.  Kings tend to uplift me, inspire, intrigue and envelope me in a serene sense of security.  Near them I feel safe.  They engage me without even trying.  They are mentally strong and spiritually sound.  I find that although these men tend to require attention its not of an exhaustive nature. Kings tend to require nurturing and careful handling.  They need to be challenged and offered a task or something to conquer or defeat.  They bring completion to things or won't rest until they do.  I do not know where this gift of seeing originated from but I clearly see them, appreciate them, value them and completely love being in their company every chance I get.  The downside of being able to see kings is when I see a king in someone who refuses to see it in himself or when I see a king in someone and think he's mine.  I laugh now reflecting upon my youthful moments of spotting a king dead on and wasting years trying to convince him of his identity.  What difficult and draining work.  Actually I don't know which is worse convincing the kings who lack clarity of their identity or to cease trying to find my king among them all. 

A Faith Based Bohemian

Lately I've been rediscovering the beauty of renewed faith at another level daily.  For a true bohemian spirited individual faith is not a concept but a lifestyle.  It is not a religious tenet nor is it a medium of exchange to get God to give me anything.  Faith is not a wishbone or a rabbit's foot, something to hold onto hoping for a gift from above. After fumbling my way through a few of life's ups and downs I've come to understand that faith is simply for me a way of living.  Trusting that every need will be supplied and every delight will be delivered is an act of faith. Once I removed the borders from my thinking on how I would like to live it all became crystal clear.  I may not know the specifics or the details to which things will unfold and its okay.  Its perfectly fine not to know. The bohemian spirit within is one that is free and uninhibited yet guided. This spirit is light and unguarded, childlike, trusting and joyful. When I yield to my inner spirit, my true identity I feel so much more at ease and myself.  This person quietly and consistently knows that all is always well.  This is faith.  The Bible that I was taught from says that "faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen." That is quite enough for me.  Anything more than that will tempt me to complicate matters more.  It is sublimely sufficient for me to know that I do not have to know it all, all that I truly need to know is the One who holds it all. I struggle to keep things simple. In fact I love the elementary version of faith as translated in one of those NLV Bibles, "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Come on, how easy is this?! I can't screw this up.  In fact my goal is to weave it into a personal manifesto for living fully. Now, as in each moment, I inhale what I see whatever the situation is and exhale in certainty what I hope for and take a step into what I've just exhaled. I have the Supreme Being of the Universe living in me in spite of all of my flaws, so if He breathed into a lifeless form of a man and expected him to live and maintain dominion I can and will exhale or breathe onto things in my life that aren't as they should be so that they will take form and function properly.  Yes, I like the sound of that, don't you?  It gives sighing a new and positive appeal.My only job is to show up for life.  I trust that in the little things and the tiny things, because they're all little when you try to see things from Divinity's perspective, I will always, always, always be provided for, guided and directed even up into the very instant that the need presents itself. This lifestyle demands me to steady myself in an envelope of peace so that I can be comforted at every moment, every crazy moment. I laugh to myself remembering just such a time when I was completely out of gas and money at how I was catching onto this newfound alternative lifestyle of faith. So its beyond sweltering outside and all I knew to do was to pull over to the nearest gas station and wait for the answer to come.  Yes, here I am in the heat of the day sweating like a pig yet never panicked.  I was so cute too in my sundress and shades although my hair was expanding by the minute.  I had just enough to buy myself something cool to drink and a snack so I did just that. I went inside purchased my snack, cooled off and returned to my thirsty chariot.  I sat there and simply waited for who should I call or what should I do to come to me.  I was literally out of money. It is still very funny to me how I maintained text conversations with friends as I sat there in that hot car.  Little did my out of state friends know I was actually texting them while in a Mazda sauna. So I sat, waited, chatted and texted as cheerily as I could and then I did it. I exhaled. After nearly an hour a dear friend whom I hadn't talked to in quite a while called wanting to share some very cool news with me.  I was so excited to talk with her and rejoice in her baby news that I was caught up and nearly forgot about my dilemma. As I continued chatting with her, I felt the green light within that my help had indeed arrived. I enjoyed catching up with her, laughing and grasping her newfound epiphanies and wanted to take her up on her offer to continue our visit but first I allowed my dear girlfriend an opportunity to rescue me.  It was settled she would arrive refuel the car and my spirit and all would be right with the world again as we continued our visit over wine.  Well, I would drink the wine and she would share more stories, as she is now with child and I cannot contribute to the alcohol intake of a poor unsuspecting fetus.  I was relieved and totally at peace awaiting my help as I sat there and enjoyed my drink.  Its funny now as I reflect upon her concern for me. I assured her that I would be just fine as I waited for her to come. I had a book, my journal and the heat was a wonderful weight loss catalyst. What more could I want?  This is a lifestyle of a pure faith based bohemian.  I'm catching on, losing weight, no releasing the weight and all is right with the world.

Adore Me

Most recently I've made a discovery and resolution that has me absolutely giddy! I have adopted a Cleopatra Mindset complete with a willingness to allow myself to be adored and doted on.  Gone are the days of seeking, praying for and cultivating a relationship.  I am momentarily pausing to simply be adored. I believe that I would be quite good at it too.  It ocurred to me one day that in all of my relationship snafoos and catastrophes I have yet to experience what it means to be cherished, doted on and pampered by a man. Wow. No wonder I feel worn out.  Strangely in all of my relationship fiascos, the average lifespan being 2.5 years, I was the caretaker, comforter and overall indulger.  Fast forward the years and here I am in need of a little TLC, void of any bitterness or resentment I declare myself ready to receive.  I've slowed down long enough to ponder a few things and I now find that I am completely receptive to the Law of Sowing and Reaping manifesting in my life, preferably my love life. Bring on the indulgences and all manner of favor available to a witty, wise woman has sewn generously into the lives of others.  Quite possibly this may be an issue of worth where in the past I did not see myself as worthy of expecting such treatment. It is a new day and a new shift in thought has made way for an open-arm embrace of all that is good in my life.  Adoration and not worship is what I am after.  I am the work of art from my heart that the world longs to pay homage to.  My spirit spreads sunshine all about and everyone that finds joy in the light I bring can't help but to reciprocate with glad tidings of some form. Everywhere I go people are looking for ways to be good to me. Doors are being opened for me. Opportunities are presenting themselves to me. Special accomodations are being afforded to me.  I expect men to show up as men in my life, strong, solid, protective, reliable, men of valor hunting down ways to make a way for me.  They are dancing around each other trying to get goodness to me. I am in a lounging position poised to receive without a care in the world.  Cue the music, pour my wine and guide me to my chaise as I relax into this new posture of receptiveness.

Working With A Pulse

So by now, everyone must be aware that I somewhat fell into my quasi-bohemian lifestyle following my last job kissing me goodbye ever so sweetly.  Its been quite a few months now and I have enjoyed every moment of liberation that split offered me.  When my previous employer chose to end our three year romance I was strangely prepared. I slept walked through the last year of my job like a bored housewife locked into a loveless marriage.  My position as an Admissions Representative with a local proprietary career college had long since turned into a business arrangement.  Just like a failing marriage, I remained on primarily for the paycheck.  I loved my students and the many people that I often had the opportunity to visit with on a daily basis.  I appreciated the opportunity to sit and listen to people from various walks of life share with me their desire to return to school or begin working towards further education.  Although the marriage between myself and my then employer was on life support, the passion for helping others navigate their way to a fulfilling life was an ever increasing desire.  When I finally parted ways with the school I worked for, my heart truly ached over going separate ways with coworkers I had grown to love and the students that inspired me.  My final day was a sweet goodbye and for the first time in a very long time I gave myself time to ask a profound question of myself, "what's next?" Of course, being employed and being able to cover my expenses was an important factor to me but somehow, the very idea of engaging in work that spoke to my heart and my spirit really excited me.  I believed then and believe now that it is a viable option. I chose to scale down as much as possible and went on an ongoing tour of sorts.  I visited friends and thought a lot about what I wanted to do next.  I never did arrive at a definitiv answer.  What I did decide was that I would continue completing a degree program that I had started years before and work on myself and my relationships in the most joyous manner possible.  I want to live my life on purpose and with passion with as much fun as allowed and then some. I want to smile more and spend quality time investing in creating a new relationship with my son who is now a young adult.  I want to laugh and giggle uncontrollably with my goddaughter and listen to her sister give her beyond her years opinion on relationships.  I want to marvel at my godson's growth as a young man.  I believe I can enjoy these pieces of heaven while spending my days engaged in work that make my heart sing. Work with a pulse revealed itself in a quasi-relocation to Texas through a contract position with one of the school districts I had previously worked for.  Joy taps me on the shoulder daily while helping high school ESL (English as Second Language) students better understand their English assignments and writing projects.  Pure, unexpected delight grabs a hold of me each time I work to find a way of explaining a concept to a young mind still grasping the English language. My days do have routine but the teachers I partner with allow me to bring my personality and passion along for the day while we prepare the students for successful lives and standardized tests. I hear a heartbeat in what I do daily and it is absolutely a joy to me.