Throw No Shade On A Paradigm Shift

I am feeling a wee bit serene these days. Yes, I've said it, serene. I'm experiencing a paradigm shift and it feels oh so good.  This bohemian journey would not be complete without one! Oh the things you learn when you have uninterrupted time on your hands to ponder your belief system and the path ahead.  Born and bred in the Deep South and raised in the Bible Belt, most of my ideologies on most any subject evolved from my southern fried rearing.  Whether it was the heat, humidity or the Holy fear of God, my perception of myself came about as a result of what was handed down to me.  As thankful as I am for the authentic precepts that I learned during my childhood, such as treat others as you would want to be treated, wash your hands before eating, effectively utilizing the words "please" and "thank you", I never questioned much else about the lessons I learned while growing up.  A peace settles upon me during this distinct moment in my life because somehow I am beginning to reflect upon certain things that I had always believed to be true for me and many of my counterparts. I am coming to a quiet acceptance that maybe a change in my world view is not only acceptable but well-fitting at this time in my life.  An original thought won't propel me to burst into flames afterall. Having my own perspective on things will not be deemed blasphemy at all.  The serenity prayers says it all, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  Of the things I seek Divinity for, courage to change would definitely be at the top of my list.  It takes a brave soul to evaluate the beliefs of their youth.  How many of us actually sit down for a spell to sip on something sweet and dust off the dogma of our early years and the doctine of our familial upbringing? Very few of any of us question the why of what we do.  Case in point, I had an interesting an unrushed breakfast with a new friend whose insight is refreshing.  He asked me a question that provoked me to thought. One of the things that desperately needed a second look in my life would be my view on relationships.  This friend asked what was looking for, a companion or soul mate seeing as I had just proudly proclaimed that I would not be desiring marriage after age forty five.  Wow, "companion" or "soul mate."  Of course he went on to describe what he believed those two words meant but the truly liberating jewel I received from the question was the idea that I as a woman had the option of declining the idea of marriage after a certain age and considering the concept of enjoying either a companion or a soulmate.  Women are primarily raised to expect and work towards a certain sequence of events in their lives with the title of wife appearing somewhere near the top of the totem pole.  That was a paradigm shift for me.  I relish the idea of if I so choose to embrace an ideal as a possibility for my life, then so be it.  People who surround you may not understand your openness to contemplating a shift in the way you once saw things, but so be it.  They may even attempt to throw some shade on your new views, but so be it.  Take the peaceful plunge into a world of new ideas. You may not adopt them as your own, but simply knowing that they exist as options will delight you beyond measure.  Its like entering into a huge home, a mansion if you will and learning that there are many rooms to be explored. You don't have to stay in any of the rooms because there is always that leads you in and out of each of them.  How I view myself as a woman, a Black woman, a mother and a spirit having a human experience has radically changed and I love it!  In fact, I am wholeheartedly celebrating this serenity thing. I hope that you will too.

Saturday Love

Lately I've found myself flitting about visiting family and old friends.  As I am on a bit of a holiday layover here in Southwest Louisiana, I am taking full advantage of the slow pace of things here before returning to Houston.  There are some connections that I need to tend to, some relationships that require refueling.  My hometown of Lake Charles is a quaint reprieve of sorts from the constant rush of traffic found in any other city.  Until today I have yet to truly embrace the slow pace of things. I've enjoyed happy hours, quiet afternoons on a girlfriend's sofa, a Sunday after church, an evening of coffee and laughs and countless dinners' full of sharing and strategizing.  There's nothing like being around people who genuinely know you.  Its been wonderful and settling but tiresome.  I admit I have made reconnecting a task, a job that I've put in full time work on.  I am officially worn out. My soul has enjoyed the benefits of reconnecting but now my body is demanding a rest.  A nasty sinus challenge (yes I refuse to say I am sick or anywhere remotely close to it) has invited me to bed to settle down for a bit. It's officially time to get somewhere and have a seat. I have my tea, television and a stack of books to indulge in.  Its time for some Saturday love thats lazy and restoring. Yes, its Saturday, I have time and a remote control at my fingertips. 

Unintentional Yet Purposeful

Why "unintentional"?  Well, I somewhat stumbled into a life without borders.  Once my job lost me that sudden "aha moment" hit me. A combined feeling of childlike splendor and escapism washed over me.  I felt at one minute like "I don't have to go to school today, woo-hoo!" and "I'm taking the day off!!"  I can now do whatever I want!! This gleeful exuberance lasted a few days and then the question came to me, "if I can now do whatever I want, what exactly is it?" Being in a God-ordained timeout didn't come about as I thought it would or should but this sabbatical has been more than necessary.  I stumbled my way into embracing moments of clarity.  I also stumbled into the perfect description of my personality, a true bonafide bohemian.  Who knew? Really.  To the core of who I am I've always been non-traditional, unconventional and open-minded spirit. Being void of a 9-5 shift to report to daily I found that I had more time explore who I truly am at the center of being.  The unique, authentic creation that God molded me into has cried out for years to express herself. Duty and obligation prevented me from discovering all aspects of myself.  Wanting to be a good mother, daughter, neice, sister, employee and church ministry participant shielded me from coming face to face with who I've always wanted to be, do, and experience.  The gift of time has been priceless.  I am processing past hurts, resentment, pain and disappointments.  I am loving the opportunity to create a fresh relationship with my young adult son.  I am relishing the joy of returning to school to complete a degree program, a goal I set aside for a long while.  I am re-examining my most cherished relationships: with myself, with God and with the idea of a loving romantic relationship with a man.  I am loving this space I am in.  I am appreciating the time to redefine what I desire most from my life and for my life.  When you move so quickly through life out of duty you miss the divine gift of actually being able to be in touch with who you are, what you really want and re-evaluating the lessons you learn along the way. My lil bohemian journey has come about in an unintentional way but it has been extremely purposeful.  I did not experience an epiphany and place myself on a sabbatical to address my mental, emotional, financial and spiritual needs.  I am simply not that smart. Divinity had to place me on this sabbatical.  I did not have enough sense to strategically take some time off and lay everything out and look at myself. There are no mistakes.Yes indeed, unintentional but very purposeful. 

Welcome to My Ever Evolving World!

Great day lovelies!! Allow me to introduce myself, maybe not.  In the next few moments, given the next dose of inspiration that introduction could change drastically.  I am a novice blogger and may overload you all with my gushing sense of wonder at the world around me.  After giving it some pretty intense thought, this platform has to be best fit for someone like me.  As a facebook friend I do not comment on your posts I tend to go on and on.  Sorry, I become a bit too wordy, thus my entry into the world of blogging. Here I am in all of my glory! Several months ago my job lost me. I refuse to join the chorus of non-paycheck cashing life contributors in proclaiming, "I lost my job, I was laid off." No sir, no ma'am, the job lost me.  I've been placed on work release, released from work that had passed its purpose in my life.  I learned from the environment I was employed in and hopefully I added value to the lives of people I encountered on a daily basis.  That chapter closed sweetly for me and since then I've entered into a free-spirited bohemian-esque sort of life.

This is a faith walk for me that I plan to take full advantage of.  I am learning a great deal about myself and clearing a path for the full use of my gifts.  It's exciting, frightening at times, humbling and a journey in coming to terms with the truth of who I am.  I've cleared some space in the car for you to tag along, hop in!