Unintentional Yet Purposeful

Why "unintentional"?  Well, I somewhat stumbled into a life without borders.  Once my job lost me that sudden "aha moment" hit me. A combined feeling of childlike splendor and escapism washed over me.  I felt at one minute like "I don't have to go to school today, woo-hoo!" and "I'm taking the day off!!"  I can now do whatever I want!! This gleeful exuberance lasted a few days and then the question came to me, "if I can now do whatever I want, what exactly is it?" Being in a God-ordained timeout didn't come about as I thought it would or should but this sabbatical has been more than necessary.  I stumbled my way into embracing moments of clarity.  I also stumbled into the perfect description of my personality, a true bonafide bohemian.  Who knew? Really.  To the core of who I am I've always been non-traditional, unconventional and open-minded spirit. Being void of a 9-5 shift to report to daily I found that I had more time explore who I truly am at the center of being.  The unique, authentic creation that God molded me into has cried out for years to express herself. Duty and obligation prevented me from discovering all aspects of myself.  Wanting to be a good mother, daughter, neice, sister, employee and church ministry participant shielded me from coming face to face with who I've always wanted to be, do, and experience.  The gift of time has been priceless.  I am processing past hurts, resentment, pain and disappointments.  I am loving the opportunity to create a fresh relationship with my young adult son.  I am relishing the joy of returning to school to complete a degree program, a goal I set aside for a long while.  I am re-examining my most cherished relationships: with myself, with God and with the idea of a loving romantic relationship with a man.  I am loving this space I am in.  I am appreciating the time to redefine what I desire most from my life and for my life.  When you move so quickly through life out of duty you miss the divine gift of actually being able to be in touch with who you are, what you really want and re-evaluating the lessons you learn along the way. My lil bohemian journey has come about in an unintentional way but it has been extremely purposeful.  I did not experience an epiphany and place myself on a sabbatical to address my mental, emotional, financial and spiritual needs.  I am simply not that smart. Divinity had to place me on this sabbatical.  I did not have enough sense to strategically take some time off and lay everything out and look at myself. There are no mistakes.Yes indeed, unintentional but very purposeful.