My Grace Period

This morning a very dear friend ministered to my soul in a way that comforted and challenged me beyond my state of despair. The turmoil that I have been dealing with in reestablishing my life has been difficult to say the least. I woke up this morning in complete discontent. Normally I try to embrace the day with gratitude but this morning the overwhelming feeling of drowning gripped me with a desire to pull the covers back over my head.  I just didn't want to try my hand at this day. I felt as if I had nothing else to offer. All I've wanted was to simply get back on my feet, to become vertical again and retain some semblance of normalcy in my life but this has failed to happen. My friend phoned with a morning greeting and something within me reached for the phone as if reaching for a lifeline of sorts. I tried my best not to sound pathetic. The one thing that I do not like to come across is as a chronic complainer. I shared with him my pain and he shared with me the possibility of viewing the space that I now find myself in as an opportunity to reconnect with Spirit at a greater and deeper level. As he imparted this wisdom to me I listened but the heaviness that blanketed me refused to hear what he was saying. The heaviness constructed a dark wall against all that he was sharing until he mentioned one profound suggestion to me that demolished that wall altogether, "Terrea, you must ask for a grace period." A ray of light broke through in that very moment. This was more than a recommendation but a plea. My friend challenged me to ask God for a grace period.  I whined about my circumstances and questioned what had I done so wrong that invited such difficulties that I was facing. Why were things going so wrong? My dear, dear friend begain to share more with me that I definitely agreed with wholeheartedly.  You see I believe in the law of sowing and reaping or as one of my favorites, Marianne Williamson puts it, the "divine law of compensation". What we put out both in favor of or in fear of we receive back. I realized through this extremely therapeutic conversation with my friend that although I am not denying my error in thinking in my past mistakes, there have still been actions made where the correlating reactions are reverberating in my life even now.  I began to think about the places that I have been and the relationships that I have been in. The people, places and circumstances that I have found myself in and connected to created a gateway for spiritual forces of darkness to gain access to my life.  The torment that I now feel, the overbearing weight of despair and depression that has been weighing on me has come as a result of all that I have been connected to. I've made mistakes and poor choices and I have asked God for forgiveness and direction but I do not think that I have truly given sober thought to the invited visitors that I have allowed into my life spiritually.  My very wise friend suggested that I get beyond the mere idea of asking for forgivenss because I have already done that. He shared that it would be beneficial if I'd also stop thinking about the consequences of the choices I've made. I am obviously experiencing them. This is a fact beyond question. My friend encouraged me to get down on my pretty face, his words not mind and ask God for a "grace period". A grace period? Yes, a grace period. I need a grace period just like in other payment coming due, a grace period is usually granted. He informed me that I need a time of relief and revival so that my strength can be fortified and my resources pulled together in order to face what is ahead.  I am in a weakened and weary state and I need this type of grace I so agree. I am not ignorant of the idea of grace period but never have I looked at it this way before. How I thank God for having my friend call at such time. Just like in any other situation, a foreclosure, a light bill, cell phone bill, car payment, etc there is the date that a payment is due and another date of disconnection, foreclosure or repossession, etc. The time in between those two dates is the grace period. There is a lot that can be done in that grace period. A great deal can be accomplished in a matter of days that may have taken months prior. Yes!! This is exactly what I need, a grace period. I need the darkness to be put at bay for a bit longer. I need enough time to regain the strength necessary to stand under the pressure of the payment due date. I need the storm to be calmed for a moment that I might see clearly. I listened to my friend. I did not pray a pretty prayer. I asked for a grace period and I am believing that He's granted it and during this time I will know what to do and what not to do. In the meantime I am quieting down but not as I had been in these past few weeks where depression held me in its grip daring me to even think about moving an inch. I rarely left my bedroom. Although I experienced glimpses of normalcy, for the most part I never left my bed. I talked with friends ocassionally but the cloak of discouragement still weighed on me. This morning after that conversation I saw a lifeline that I grabbed at with everything left in me. I asked for my grace period and I know that God heard me. He granted this grace a very long time ago.