On the tail end of a splendid weekend spent with my family celebrating my youngest first cousin's union I'm left in a very reflective state. I know, when I am not pondering something or another. Well I am. These days I am very aware of myself, where I am on my personal path and the moment I find myself in. Should I be sharing it with you? Maybe, quite possibly some personal truth that I stumble upon may help someone. Who knows. Anyway my doll of cousin was such a site to behold. She was absolutely breathtaking. When I look at her I see the passage of time. My how time flies. Wow, she is not a little girl anymore. I am also no longer a young woman any longer. My thoughts wander to the ideals I once had about marriage, weddings, a husband and all of that happily ever after fairytale stuff. Things have changed. I have changed. Although I am still a hopeless romantic I am no longer as flighty and idealistic as I once was, well maybe not in matters of the heart. I pray that my cousin Danielle has before her more expectations than I do now of the fine institution of marriage. I think that she does as she is in her very early thirties, not nearly enough time to have accumulated as many regrets, failed expectations of relationships, etc. With this in mind I recall having a conversation with a friend concerning our marriage must haves, the absolutes, the necessities of a union following exchanged vows. We swapped our lists, laughed at each other and thought nothing of it. I tried to be as brutally honest as I could be. My friend and I are both at least forty, so the lists I noticed aren't as long as they probably would've been at age twenty five or so. So, here they are, my marriage must haves post age thirty five. Keep in mind this is a comprehensive yet brief list of things that are must haves for me personally. This list may be condensed by the time I am forty five I am sure.
- Must allow me to be me. I am finally at a place in my life where I so love me, in fact I am totally digging me, all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly & if its all good with me, then I'm expecting a man that will step back and allow me to be the woman that we've both come to fall in love with.
- Must possess an appetite for life. I may spend some time being engaged to the man but I welcome the man who will be engaged in life beside me. No sitting in front of the television for hours on end.
- Must respect my idiosyncracies & complexities as I will his. Those things make us unique.
- Must never ask "is that another pair of shoes?".
- Must be willing to travel to places that I choose also. Yes, I may come up with the not so popular places to venture to but a willing travel companion in the form of my husband is non-negotiable.
- Must not be selfish at all. I will want a bite of his sandwich, scoot all in his space, moodiness & selfishness will never do.
- Must not compare my cooking to his mother's. It is an established fact that his mother's will always be better. There will be no kitchen competitions going on at my age. Enjoy both of our dishes and have a seat somewhere.
- Must not come into the kitchen while I am cooking & attempt to take over. Participation is fully appreciated, but taking over drives me insane. Reminds me of my Daddy.
- Must pray for me....I really need it. My husband should/would know me best or most intimately. Prayers can be offered in my presence or otherwise. I just would like to be the subject in a conversation between him and our Creator.
- Must be fully committed to maintaining our brand of which I will be the chief spokesperson. No sending me to bootleg, kitchen table, substandard salons in a so called effort to "save money".
- Must support my need to write and/or ramble....it's what I do. His primary support will be understanding this aspect of me and making space in our lives for this. Key, writers/ramblers love to read. He will understand that when I am frantic, he should offer me a book, or laptop and alone time. Just send me to time out.
- Must allow me to build my own relationship with his child/children separate & totally apart from his. Vice versa.
- Must not frown upon me having people over for the holidays (those holidays that actually exist & those that I make up on my own).
- Last but certainly not least, must provide engaging intimate encounters on a consistent basis in alternative locations & well I will leave it at that....
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