Dating The Montessori Way

I've recently made peace with the thought that I will indeed continue on with accepting my Mrs. sometime in the near future. In fact, next year I will seriously return to the dating world with a sincere interest in accepting my Mrs. Yes, yes I did say accepting my Mrs, not working towards it or pursuing it.  Somehow I still believe that what Divinity has designated for me is for me. I simply must position myself to accept it into my life.  Next year I will make my grand return to the romantic arena with a serious openness to a sustaining love.  After leaving yet another substandard relationship, not person, but relationship a few months ago I've chosen to take a year off from entertaining the idea of a serious relationship.  I can honestly say that right now I am simply not ready for the intensive work required of maintaining love.  In fact, I'm downright exhausted from the emotional, financial, and mental investments I've made into my last three relationships.  When I'm in, I'm usually all in. I'm pretty spent right about now, not bitter simply spent.  As I regroup and enjoy light hearted exchanges with men now, dates and conversations take on a different meaning because I am not attempting to create a relationship.  I enjoy hearing a male perspective on things and I so love the masculine energy that balances things out. When I come across some elements of character within a man that I can wholly appreciate, I file those traits away mentally for when I'm ready.  Lately I've discovered just a set of traits in a wonderful friend who is supportive and challenging at the same time.  His strong personality, stable set of values and morals, loyalty to family and old school work ethic certainly sets him apart.  Our conversations are always filled with laughter, verbal banter and mutual support. Having him as a friend has been a real blessing at this time of my life.  I am learning so much from him.  I truly look forward to next year.  When I consider how I'd like to share intimate space with another I laugh to myself at a new concept I've stumbled upon.  I've recently shared about my experiences at a Montessori school and the environment that I visit daily. Now remember Montessori is a scientific method of education, a philosophy of child development, and an approach to children that helps them maximize their potential.   The philosophy's main tenet is children have an innate capacity to absorb knowledge and do so best when they were free to work and play in a carefully prepared, nurturing environment.  Everyday I find myself on a campus with three year olds where I work to provide freedom and nurturing so that their optimal potential is realized.  I do so by using certain verbage and a communication style that is soft, soothing and supportive. Its taking me quite a while to embrace this medthodology but I love it. Yes, I love it.  One day I noticed how this very same science can be applied to all interpersonal relationships, especially romantic relationships.  I experienced yet another Aha moment.

So, I am so pysched about the opportunity to use my new set of Montessori skills on an unsuspecting male suitor. I welcome the moment that I can engage in heart "work", more Montessori verbage, with a progressive man who can appreciate a woman such as myself.  "Work" is the Montessori term used when referring to engaging in an activity that expands one's personal potential.  In the case of another human being, it isn't the man who is my work but the interaction with him that will allow me to expand my potential and grow.  I look forward to evolving and developing within from my future work with an engaging individual.   On campus with my little group of friends daily I am exposed to tons of Montessori verbage that I find fascinating.  Harsh language and rough tones are discouraged completely. In fact, all forms of negative conditioning, judgement and demeaning behavior is excluded from a Montessori environment.  I am thrilled by the interesting things I have learned about human development by simply being in such an environment.  I've discovered the unique way in which young children hear and interpret a request.  The delay that comes about when asked to perform a task is not defiance but a moment to simply process what has been asked of them. I see now how impactful words really are. Words are connectors for them. Wow! This is so important to remember. It has revolutionized my way of thinking. I have to work hard now to remember not to say what I do not want but rather what I would like to experience. Rather than saying "Lillian don't throw throw the books" it is a far stretch to remember to kindly recommend "Lillian our books are for reading."  When one of my tiny friends has a confrontation with another where their personal space is infringed upon, I hear the words "walk away." Hitting and aggressive behavior is frowned upon as it disrespects both parties.  Gentleness is encouraged. The phrase "be gentle with your friend's body" is suggested.  There are always messages that humans are attempting send to each other, either verbal or non verbal.  Rather than assuming that another has received and accurately interpreted a message, friends are encouraged to determine if they have heard a teacher message.  I can totally see how this can be incorporated into heart work with a real, live man. Not that I am comparing them to toddlers but well, men do have this childlike simplicity that I have often overlooked thereby overcomplicating things.  Like children, men have a wealth of words and verbal skills that can be called upon to use when challenged to do so.  Men can express themselves. Men can rise to the occassion when it is expected and required of them. I must remember this time around to suggest that to my next love interest.  How wonderful an opportunity it would be in due season to be able to speak softly, kindly, tenderly and in nurturing manner to someone I can share intimate space with. Oh how calm that space would be.  When the exchange crosses over into a volatile or negative area, I imagine how healthy it would be to diffuse it and transform the atmosphere by infusing it with soothing and kind words.  I laugh to myself at this idealistic thought.  I have yet to meet the man who would embrace this thought process.  I can hear myself saying to my impending lover, "Honey this exchange is becoming a bit intense I think that we both should walk away and calm our bodies." My how it sounds sublime but completely unrealistic, or is it?  Is dating the Montessori way a figment of my imagination? Is it too lofty of a goal only to be implemented with children? Would a grown man not be able to appreciate it? Would a grown man actually be repulsed by such language and believe that I'm being condescending? I think to myself who wouldn't want to be respected and spoken to warmly? Who wouldn't appreciate being in such close proximity with a nurturing individual such as myself?  I am amazing afterall and will be so much more amazing next year after all of this Montessori has marinated in me.