Guns and Butter: A Girls' Guide

Yes, my mind is wandering again. This affliction tends to occur on Saturday evenings laying across my bed. So I offer to you more rambling. I read a facebook post earlier today by a friend that recommended that young women closely examine their resources and the power within such resources when dealing with men. Basically she spoke on the senseless squandering of a woman's time and body for mere trinkets. Lets face it, there are scores of young women who are carelessly pimping their pretty for pennies. This scenario is one that is as old as time itself. Foolish women are not a new thing under the sun. Foolish young women without an intervention will unfortunately grow into foolish old women still "hustling backwards". This sad scenario makes me think of the John Singleton film, "Baby Boy" where Ving Rhames' character offers a brief lesson to two unsuspecting young Black men about the "guns versus butter" model. I just loved that scene! I do not count myself as chronically enlightened or anywhere close, but if there were a class for women as reformed derelicts, lets just say I'd be somewhere near the front of the class. I count it an honor to walk in "Melvin's" footprints (Ving Rhames' character) to offer unsolicited advice to unsuspecting young women. I look back at my past mistakes and foolish decisions and I am grateful that at least in my day I had/have a point of reference as a woman. There were women all around to whom I could observe and take notes from on the fine art on how to carrying yourself as a lady. It saddens me that many young women today do not even have that. I digress easily as you can tell. So, "Melvin" tutors "Baby Boy" on the concept of "guns and butter" and it is such a delight to me to see this type of veiled message being offered in an urban movie. Great move John!! For my young sisters who may not know, or missed that class, basically "guns and butter" is a model that gives an example of investing in "guns" or power as demonstrated in military production or further derived by assets that accrue in value and "butter" being anything that does not increase in value, once its spent, thats it. Girls, here's a suggestion, make notecards..."guns" increase in value, property, art, etc. "butter" does not increase in value, examples, purses, shoes, hair appointments. My dear, dear sweet little sisters I share all of this so that you not squander your pretty in pursuit of perishable items that are of little to no worth to you in the long run. You are priceless and simply cannot be bought or leased. When its all said and done, in your interactions with men I suggest you apply the "guns and butter" model. Your time is precious and every moment of it that you spend with a man there is an exchange occuring always. Always. As Ludacris so eloquently puts it if "you're going to do something strange for a lil piece of change" thats the definition of hustling backwards. When you consider "guns" and "butter" which would you prefer in exchange for whatever it is that you're offering? I offer the option of viewing everything that you receive in exchange for your time spent with a man as a gift or an investment. A man will walk away leaving you with something, a smile, frustration, dinner, laughter, a baby, a new insight, etc. something. You make the call, always. Even if no one ever paused long enough to share with you, I take it upon myself to offer some collective wisdom gleaned from other sisters who have a house full of gifts from men yet never received an investment, not once. Walking among us are sixty year old women with a wealth of trinkets and lively stories of the good old days and the men they knew and the time that passed them by. Do not become one of them. As women we are by nature "receivers" in every sense of the word. Our anatomy attests to this. We take things in, nurture it and offer it back to the world. Its just what we do. It is how we were designed. So, my darling dolls now that you know you are always receiving, first understand how to classify your reception and decide what you would like to receive more of in your life. On behalf of all of the broken women with regretful pasts, here it is, gifts vs. investments. Ladies our friends at Yale University defines a gift as "as a voluntary unconditional transfer of cash or other assets to someone by another individual or another entity, for which the donor does not receive goods or services in exchange". An investment is income relating to property held by the recipient for their benefit now or at a future date. While the original investment may have been acquired by the recipient as a gift, the subsequent receipt of income related to the investment is not considered a gift, but rather investment income. Dividends and gains from investment sales are investment income, not gifts. Sweethearts you do not earn gifts. You do not work for them at all. Gifts denote favor. Men offer them simply because you have found favor with them somehow. It's just the "Boaz" in them, allow them to do that, expect them to show up as such. Gifts are the niceties that you thought you had to "twerk" for or degrade yourself for. Gifts are the salon visits, the handbags, the shoes, the trips or the flowers. Gifts are thoughtful and yes, butter. Very few gifts accrue value. Cultivate relationships with men who are investors because you in and of yourself are great ground to invest in. How does a man invest in you you might ask? What dreams do you have? What goals do you have? Any businesses in mind? If you do not have any of these, now may be an ideal time to consider some. An investment will benefit you now but moreso in the long run. Forego campaigning for a weekly nail appointment and steer that gift into an investment. Do you have books that need to be purchased this semester? Thats an investment. Even if its a small thing such as an oil change, thats an investment. Remember, you're benefiting from it now and in the future. Whatever you can receive a benefit from beyond today is an investment. Long after the days that your looks have faded and your body is no longer a selling point you will be reaping the rewards. As Black women, culturally we haven't been taught the importance of this. For the greater part many of us have not been educated on how deterimental it is to leverage our assets in favor of future growth. We haven't been schooled on the fine art of securing our future. I speak to you fueled by the ashes of failed relationships and lost time with only lessons learned. Walk away with more than lessons ladies. Maintain a positive attitude, a godly spirit not a manipulative tone and stay open. Retain a positive attitude towards men and keep your expectations of them high. See them as good, generous and kind human beings not as someone you need to get before they get you. With all of this being said, I share all of this with a heart of love and great expectations of you at "no charge" (in my Shirley Ceasar voice).